11.27.2003
Thanksgiving is to Victor
as in turkey with your loved ones is to being by yourself with a can of clam chowder.
Get my drift?
More later.
as in turkey with your loved ones is to being by yourself with a can of clam chowder.
Get my drift?
More later.
I had the most intersting conversation with Golda today.
I want to be friends with her.
The rest of you suck. That is all.
I want to be friends with her.
The rest of you suck. That is all.
11.24.2003
[music: outkast - ms. jackson]
this doesn't describe me exactly, but i love how it does in general.
that's all.
sleep tight
-depressed
-oyasumi
this doesn't describe me exactly, but i love how it does in general.
that's all.
sleep tight
-depressed
-oyasumi
11.23.2003
[music: sixpence none the richer - don't dream it's over]
Another blog.
Hah, Alan's been sick for a week, so he hasn't been blogging. It's starting to become my blog, and that's no fun, so I'm hoping Alan starts again starting tomorrow.
My weekend was normal, a lot of hanging out with chris, some CS, and just general chilling. It was good for me, I needed some relaxation time.
Anyway, after this will be an episode of Smallville, then sleeping so that I can get some more homework done tomorrow morning.
My mood is so sketchy right now; it's stoic. I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy, but it's beginning to lean towards sad.
I don't know why, there wasn't much to make me sad this weekend, I just hope I can drown it out sometime soon with some good old initial d..
This song is so good. I've listened to it I think 3 times over and over again.. who knows.
I'm going to watch my episode of smallville. I got into this seat thinking I had a lot more to say and just ended up with nothing
-kerplunk.
-sucks to you, fatty.
-oyasumi.
Another blog.
Hah, Alan's been sick for a week, so he hasn't been blogging. It's starting to become my blog, and that's no fun, so I'm hoping Alan starts again starting tomorrow.
My weekend was normal, a lot of hanging out with chris, some CS, and just general chilling. It was good for me, I needed some relaxation time.
Anyway, after this will be an episode of Smallville, then sleeping so that I can get some more homework done tomorrow morning.
My mood is so sketchy right now; it's stoic. I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy, but it's beginning to lean towards sad.
I don't know why, there wasn't much to make me sad this weekend, I just hope I can drown it out sometime soon with some good old initial d..
This song is so good. I've listened to it I think 3 times over and over again.. who knows.
I'm going to watch my episode of smallville. I got into this seat thinking I had a lot more to say and just ended up with nothing
-kerplunk.
-sucks to you, fatty.
-oyasumi.
11.19.2003
[music: TLC - unpretty]
Hah. Funny how nostalgia kicks up on your amazingly randomly, this is such a good song.
Even though I'm not a superficial guy, and this is really directed at anyone, it's just a good song to listen to.
Anyway.. I promised a blog a few nights ago, and I never really got to it, so here goes.
One week, two interesting conversations so far. It's amazing how talking to a person you figured you would never talk to seriously again; and it brightens your day and/or enlightens you.
I happen to have two.
It's also interesting how my mind works. I've just gone through a whole self-investigation concerning my feelings, ect; and I've come to one conclusion.
I care about certain people to a greater extent then most people. A lot more. Does it matter who it is? No, but the point is that several of these people I swore to myself I'd never talk to again.
It's funny, important people stay important people in my life. Forever. Even if I hate talking to them, and it hurts, it's ok. I'll take the time.
My mind has been out of whack lately, my priorties are set quite well, but then again, if a person on the 'a'-list (i'll refer to important people as 'a' and not as 'b') needs my help, I'd drop what I was doing and talk to them. Anything. Even if it throws me out of whack.
It's funny how people don't see this, and don't appreciate it. I'm not going into a self-pity routine, but really, It'd be kinda cool sometimes if a few people would say: 'hey victor/kevin, i'm glad you're my friend, and i'm glad you're around when I need you'. I guess it's just the way things work; if you're always around for people to talk, you're not as important as to someone you have a slim chance of talking to, so you make it special whenever that's the case.
That really.. was self-pity. Hah. I lied, oh well, tough cookies. or as I should say, 'SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR'. For some reason I love that quote beyond anything else at the moment, it's just amusing.
Speaking of the 'a' group, Laura and I had an interesting conversation today; It wasn't always 'intellectual', but it was amusing. We had our thoughts on certain subjects, and things worked out and I hope she's feeling better then she did before. 'Fuck U' was used several times in this conversation, but it wasn't directed at me, so it's alll good.
Hah, I just shrugged while typing. I emote what I type. Funny, right?
..so it's scary. psh.
[music change: mai kuraki - tonight, i feel close to you]
Anyway, it's getting kind of late, but I couldn't help finish off an ep of smallville, so i'm just going to have to deal with it tomorrow.
[random mood switch]
I'm not really depressed right now, but I was a few hours ago. I happened to finish off one of a few series i was watching this fall, and it left me.. somewhat empty. I felt like I wanted to end with it. Really sad? Yes. But that's how I felt. Empty feelings haven't been common as of lately, but when they come; oh boy, they come. I can barely handle it. I almost started crying at the dinner table which to my parents would of probably came at some random time, and they would have no clue what was going on.
sucks to them.
I'm going to go into self-pity mode again.
[selfpity] I think like every other night, I'm feeling like I want a deeper relationship with someone. I don't care who. Well, I do, but then again, just having someone, someone who makes you feel like you're the most important person in their life, and you're willing to give the same glorification to their life.. just makes you feel so great sometimes.
And lack of it leaves you like this.
[music change: dj mystik - angel dont cry]
Any takers? :D
-oyasumi.
Hah. Funny how nostalgia kicks up on your amazingly randomly, this is such a good song.
Even though I'm not a superficial guy, and this is really directed at anyone, it's just a good song to listen to.
Anyway.. I promised a blog a few nights ago, and I never really got to it, so here goes.
One week, two interesting conversations so far. It's amazing how talking to a person you figured you would never talk to seriously again; and it brightens your day and/or enlightens you.
I happen to have two.
It's also interesting how my mind works. I've just gone through a whole self-investigation concerning my feelings, ect; and I've come to one conclusion.
I care about certain people to a greater extent then most people. A lot more. Does it matter who it is? No, but the point is that several of these people I swore to myself I'd never talk to again.
It's funny, important people stay important people in my life. Forever. Even if I hate talking to them, and it hurts, it's ok. I'll take the time.
My mind has been out of whack lately, my priorties are set quite well, but then again, if a person on the 'a'-list (i'll refer to important people as 'a' and not as 'b') needs my help, I'd drop what I was doing and talk to them. Anything. Even if it throws me out of whack.
It's funny how people don't see this, and don't appreciate it. I'm not going into a self-pity routine, but really, It'd be kinda cool sometimes if a few people would say: 'hey victor/kevin, i'm glad you're my friend, and i'm glad you're around when I need you'. I guess it's just the way things work; if you're always around for people to talk, you're not as important as to someone you have a slim chance of talking to, so you make it special whenever that's the case.
That really.. was self-pity. Hah. I lied, oh well, tough cookies. or as I should say, 'SUCKS TO YOUR ASSMAR'. For some reason I love that quote beyond anything else at the moment, it's just amusing.
Speaking of the 'a' group, Laura and I had an interesting conversation today; It wasn't always 'intellectual', but it was amusing. We had our thoughts on certain subjects, and things worked out and I hope she's feeling better then she did before. 'Fuck U' was used several times in this conversation, but it wasn't directed at me, so it's alll good.
Hah, I just shrugged while typing. I emote what I type. Funny, right?
..so it's scary. psh.
[music change: mai kuraki - tonight, i feel close to you]
Anyway, it's getting kind of late, but I couldn't help finish off an ep of smallville, so i'm just going to have to deal with it tomorrow.
[random mood switch]
I'm not really depressed right now, but I was a few hours ago. I happened to finish off one of a few series i was watching this fall, and it left me.. somewhat empty. I felt like I wanted to end with it. Really sad? Yes. But that's how I felt. Empty feelings haven't been common as of lately, but when they come; oh boy, they come. I can barely handle it. I almost started crying at the dinner table which to my parents would of probably came at some random time, and they would have no clue what was going on.
sucks to them.
I'm going to go into self-pity mode again.
[selfpity] I think like every other night, I'm feeling like I want a deeper relationship with someone. I don't care who. Well, I do, but then again, just having someone, someone who makes you feel like you're the most important person in their life, and you're willing to give the same glorification to their life.. just makes you feel so great sometimes.
And lack of it leaves you like this.
[music change: dj mystik - angel dont cry]
Any takers? :D
-oyasumi.
11.18.2003
11.15.2003
Gah.
Er, I'm somewhat stuck in Milpitas right now, but i'll be going soon.
Alan's coming over to pick me up, and we're going to do some random stuff tonight.
Last night was crazy, Alan's nuts. :D
A shorter blog.
-oyasumi
Er, I'm somewhat stuck in Milpitas right now, but i'll be going soon.
Alan's coming over to pick me up, and we're going to do some random stuff tonight.
Last night was crazy, Alan's nuts. :D
A shorter blog.
-oyasumi
11.12.2003
[music: scott brown - elysium]
ah, it's somewhat late. I'm getting tired, but what difference does it make if I don't let you know about it.
Anyway, my depressing subject tonight will be 'knowing you're not the one..'
I've been watching a lot of hero + heroine crap, and it's left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and an awful amount of depressing thoughts. The realization that sometimes you just aren't the hero of the story, and sometimes you have to play a secondary role in the big picture, according to how you feel at the time, is a really painful feeling. In fact, devestating. I guess you can say that's probably my worst feeling in a while.. and I can't really help it, unless I want to totally re-situate myself, and make new friends and shit, which I don't want to do.
I've always felt like the 'back player' in a few of my friendships, thought I couldn't really help it, it really irritated me, to the point where I just wanted to say 'you know what, forget this crap, ill go make some other friends'. And though that's always my initial plan I always seem to cower and just stick to what's been working.
Even if it doesn't make me happy. Most people call it insecurity, and I would too. I don't know exactly how to describe this without a lot of people going 'OMG REALLY? ahh poor you' and 'don't worry about it, you're really important to me' and that kind of bullshit so I won't.
Just the feeling of knowing how much you care, and how much more you're willing to put out for something, it just won't matter, it won't work, and that someone else is just there, not knowing/ or not concienciously knowing that they're so lucky. This ties into a lot of my life's quarrels and troubles, but hey, that's life?
A good quote would be from my g-ster friend jay, 'noone dies a virgin because life has fucked you over plenty of times'.
Or something like that.
[music update: tps - such great heights]
Ah, such a good song. It's gone mainstream, I don't really care, but eh.. It just makes the song a little be less appealing to other people. 'oh that's so played out' and that kind of bullshit, screw you, the song is good.
I still remember giving this song to one of my good friends (best friends suck, so now I have good friends only) and telling him to recite just a little bit of it to his girlfriend, the next thing you know, they're closer then ever.
I guess I didn't expect this person to have a really serious relationship again for a long time, and the fact that I don't have one right now and at that time just makes me feel bad. I doubt it's jealousy, but it's more of a 'why can't I do this, is there something wrong with me'? And from there the questions just float on and on.
And here I am blogging about some of it. Somewhat amazing, right?
..Right?
I think the thing about my blog is that I literally, literally, type out exactly what's on my mind. There's some censorship going on sometimes, but generally, that's after I type it out and I just end up backspacing it up and typing something else. Funny how people's minds work. I think mine is wired strange, but that's what makes it interesting.
I'm going to start reading some self-improvement books. I like the way I am right now, but I guess it's just not good enough for other people. Maybe i'll find something I like. I doubt I will, but hey, it's always good trying?
..this is getting depressing. I'm just going to leave it at this, and as other subjects float into my head, I'll blog them out.
For now
-oyasumi
[end song: dj mystik (yes him) - don't know why]
ah, it's somewhat late. I'm getting tired, but what difference does it make if I don't let you know about it.
Anyway, my depressing subject tonight will be 'knowing you're not the one..'
I've been watching a lot of hero + heroine crap, and it's left me with a bitter taste in my mouth and an awful amount of depressing thoughts. The realization that sometimes you just aren't the hero of the story, and sometimes you have to play a secondary role in the big picture, according to how you feel at the time, is a really painful feeling. In fact, devestating. I guess you can say that's probably my worst feeling in a while.. and I can't really help it, unless I want to totally re-situate myself, and make new friends and shit, which I don't want to do.
I've always felt like the 'back player' in a few of my friendships, thought I couldn't really help it, it really irritated me, to the point where I just wanted to say 'you know what, forget this crap, ill go make some other friends'. And though that's always my initial plan I always seem to cower and just stick to what's been working.
Even if it doesn't make me happy. Most people call it insecurity, and I would too. I don't know exactly how to describe this without a lot of people going 'OMG REALLY? ahh poor you' and 'don't worry about it, you're really important to me' and that kind of bullshit so I won't.
Just the feeling of knowing how much you care, and how much more you're willing to put out for something, it just won't matter, it won't work, and that someone else is just there, not knowing/ or not concienciously knowing that they're so lucky. This ties into a lot of my life's quarrels and troubles, but hey, that's life?
A good quote would be from my g-ster friend jay, 'noone dies a virgin because life has fucked you over plenty of times'.
Or something like that.
[music update: tps - such great heights]
Ah, such a good song. It's gone mainstream, I don't really care, but eh.. It just makes the song a little be less appealing to other people. 'oh that's so played out' and that kind of bullshit, screw you, the song is good.
I still remember giving this song to one of my good friends (best friends suck, so now I have good friends only) and telling him to recite just a little bit of it to his girlfriend, the next thing you know, they're closer then ever.
I guess I didn't expect this person to have a really serious relationship again for a long time, and the fact that I don't have one right now and at that time just makes me feel bad. I doubt it's jealousy, but it's more of a 'why can't I do this, is there something wrong with me'? And from there the questions just float on and on.
And here I am blogging about some of it. Somewhat amazing, right?
..Right?
I think the thing about my blog is that I literally, literally, type out exactly what's on my mind. There's some censorship going on sometimes, but generally, that's after I type it out and I just end up backspacing it up and typing something else. Funny how people's minds work. I think mine is wired strange, but that's what makes it interesting.
I'm going to start reading some self-improvement books. I like the way I am right now, but I guess it's just not good enough for other people. Maybe i'll find something I like. I doubt I will, but hey, it's always good trying?
..this is getting depressing. I'm just going to leave it at this, and as other subjects float into my head, I'll blog them out.
For now
-oyasumi
[end song: dj mystik (yes him) - don't know why]
11.11.2003
[22:02:16] viccy type R: my subject for tonight
[22:02:22] viccy type R: perky journals, fuck em.
Here we go, 5-4-3-2-3-2-1.
[intro velfarre 2k music] tokkkyo.
Anyway. Apparently my mind has been made up to write about perky journals. Or so I think. If you've had any past experiences with my typings, they're generally drifty, and horribly written, but whatever. You're back so I'm assuming you don't really care. For the 1st time readers, good luck.
So I'm off reading journals today, and there was a lot of 'omg today blah blah cute cute good day! omg! hah! ^___^'
God, do we really want to read about your happy day? I certainly don't. I generally browse the weblogs for a lot of the 'lizzie mcguire-esque' drama that we so-called high schoolers write up. Though there's always the little jerk who has to go in and out of blogs to find the smallest little hole in an argument so he/she can go 'HA. blah blah blah'. I don't fucking care. If you're going to tell me to not read it, then don't put up such lousy shit.
I feel fat and sassy. I mean, opiniated.
Whatever. That turned out to be a lame subject so I'm moving on.
The word that comes to mind when trying to describe how I feel wouldn't be 'depressed', more of a 'I hate people mood.' I'm sure that comes from my own insecurities about life and how I intertwine with it, but hey, I even hide feelings from myself. That's pretty pathetic, eh?
Right now, looking at my little buddy list, the nostalgia comes to mind. Then comes the fact that I don't even talk to 1/2 the people on my buddy list anymore, and some of these people I talked to A LOT. Just seeing how degenerative time can be on a person, really makes me sad. I really want to talk to 1/2 of these people again, but it feels so.. strange. It goes something like 'whats up, whats up, ok.' Or I'd say something that would completely kill the conversation. And when I think about starting it up again, the thought comes to mind that maybe they're not responding much because they really don't want to talk to me, or won't put out the effort to.
That really makes me sad sometimes.
Then again, when I think most of those people I want to talk to, I remember that I did something to screw it up between me and them, and how I couldn't blame them for not wanting to talk to me.
And that's the worst feeling ever.
But yet I try anyway. And that is what keeps me going every few days.
Alan claimed this week to be 'girlfriend' week, and I guess that's kinda true. Just hanging out with people reminds me of how I threw away a lot of things without knowing it, and the famous quote comes to play a lot in my life (I'm sure a lot more in my lifetime); 'You never know what you have until it's gone'.
Sigh.
So as I wrap up my blog, I'll switch off to another subject, because this one is getting somewhat dry, and I have no more to write upon it.
This weekend was also full of parental disputes. My dad is full of shit.
Let me tell you that. That was the one 'curse' word in my blog tonight, and it conveys my feelings toward my father.
Get the message? So my dad comes banging at the door at 4 in the morning today, screaming something like 'YOU COME HOME EARLY TO DO HW, AND ALL YOU DO IS HAVE FUN12#?@!#?@!?#'
God, I wanted to scream in his face that I was doing ALOT of homework tomorrow, and I came home today because I doubt i'd be able to get home early the next day.
But I don't. He'd just yell at me more. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes that I tend to tune him out when he's yelling at me because if I'd say anything, I'd just get another hour of it.
Yes.
That was a little angry to end a blog on, so I'll try to find a trademark depressing subject to end upon.
But I'm not really in that mood, but it's ok.
I tend to be in a more depressed, or sad mood (using depressed is amazingly cliche, and it's horrible really because noone is depressed all the time) when the people that I *points to subject 2* used to talk to a lot, but don't get to anymore, or attempt to, and fail. I just realize, 'hey, lets try getting what we used to have' orsomething, and them just basically saying 'no, fuck you.' It's sad, really. But hey, it's their choice. I'm just searching for one of those people you could call soul-mates once again.
lonely victor.
-oyasumi.
[22:02:22] viccy type R: perky journals, fuck em.
Here we go, 5-4-3-2-3-2-1.
[intro velfarre 2k music] tokkkyo.
Anyway. Apparently my mind has been made up to write about perky journals. Or so I think. If you've had any past experiences with my typings, they're generally drifty, and horribly written, but whatever. You're back so I'm assuming you don't really care. For the 1st time readers, good luck.
So I'm off reading journals today, and there was a lot of 'omg today blah blah cute cute good day! omg! hah! ^___^'
God, do we really want to read about your happy day? I certainly don't. I generally browse the weblogs for a lot of the 'lizzie mcguire-esque' drama that we so-called high schoolers write up. Though there's always the little jerk who has to go in and out of blogs to find the smallest little hole in an argument so he/she can go 'HA. blah blah blah'. I don't fucking care. If you're going to tell me to not read it, then don't put up such lousy shit.
I feel fat and sassy. I mean, opiniated.
Whatever. That turned out to be a lame subject so I'm moving on.
The word that comes to mind when trying to describe how I feel wouldn't be 'depressed', more of a 'I hate people mood.' I'm sure that comes from my own insecurities about life and how I intertwine with it, but hey, I even hide feelings from myself. That's pretty pathetic, eh?
Right now, looking at my little buddy list, the nostalgia comes to mind. Then comes the fact that I don't even talk to 1/2 the people on my buddy list anymore, and some of these people I talked to A LOT. Just seeing how degenerative time can be on a person, really makes me sad. I really want to talk to 1/2 of these people again, but it feels so.. strange. It goes something like 'whats up, whats up, ok.' Or I'd say something that would completely kill the conversation. And when I think about starting it up again, the thought comes to mind that maybe they're not responding much because they really don't want to talk to me, or won't put out the effort to.
That really makes me sad sometimes.
Then again, when I think most of those people I want to talk to, I remember that I did something to screw it up between me and them, and how I couldn't blame them for not wanting to talk to me.
And that's the worst feeling ever.
But yet I try anyway. And that is what keeps me going every few days.
Alan claimed this week to be 'girlfriend' week, and I guess that's kinda true. Just hanging out with people reminds me of how I threw away a lot of things without knowing it, and the famous quote comes to play a lot in my life (I'm sure a lot more in my lifetime); 'You never know what you have until it's gone'.
Sigh.
So as I wrap up my blog, I'll switch off to another subject, because this one is getting somewhat dry, and I have no more to write upon it.
This weekend was also full of parental disputes. My dad is full of shit.
Let me tell you that. That was the one 'curse' word in my blog tonight, and it conveys my feelings toward my father.
Get the message? So my dad comes banging at the door at 4 in the morning today, screaming something like 'YOU COME HOME EARLY TO DO HW, AND ALL YOU DO IS HAVE FUN12#?@!#?@!?#'
God, I wanted to scream in his face that I was doing ALOT of homework tomorrow, and I came home today because I doubt i'd be able to get home early the next day.
But I don't. He'd just yell at me more. Sometimes I wonder if he realizes that I tend to tune him out when he's yelling at me because if I'd say anything, I'd just get another hour of it.
Yes.
That was a little angry to end a blog on, so I'll try to find a trademark depressing subject to end upon.
But I'm not really in that mood, but it's ok.
I tend to be in a more depressed, or sad mood (using depressed is amazingly cliche, and it's horrible really because noone is depressed all the time) when the people that I *points to subject 2* used to talk to a lot, but don't get to anymore, or attempt to, and fail. I just realize, 'hey, lets try getting what we used to have' orsomething, and them just basically saying 'no, fuck you.' It's sad, really. But hey, it's their choice. I'm just searching for one of those people you could call soul-mates once again.
lonely victor.
-oyasumi.
11.10.2003
[music: save ferris - your friend]
I don't feel like blogging.
But I will anyway. I'm talking to Golda right now, and I don't really feel like cutting her off with a fat 'brb' to go watch some videos, so I'll just blog while I'm at it.
So, continuing my blog, today I woke up and got a cell message to get my ass to MGL, so I could pass off some tokens to kris and dom. So I go, and I find out that Alan's coming too, so that was good.
I played my ID, got a lot of wins, felt a little better and after that got a ride home with Alan.
I felt kinda bad about leaving my mom and my brother and stuff, but I had a lot of work to do when I got home, and so I left.
This is kinda boring but whatever.
So tonight, me and Alan went to go see a movie with Kellen and Stacy at Kellen's house, and that was kinda fun. I still can't believe Kellen hadn't seen 16 candles till tonight, even I've watched it and i'm a fob.
Getting to my point, we'll have to travel back in time, to my mother's house. I had a lot of time on my hand, and nothing to do, so I just sat there.. and thought about stuff. A lot of thought happened to come upon the girls I've onced dated (call it ex-girlfriends.. whatever), and I feel like a lot of them weren't really ended the right way. I was/am very immature about those kinda things. I feel bad now, and I think that's trangressing on to me somewhat crushing on some of them, but i'm not going to get into that.
Back to randomness, I was reading Golda's profile, and nemo came up..
That makes me sad. I know why, I doubt anyone else does. I'm not planning on getting into detail on that either. I'll just leave it as me being sad over the most worthless thing, how I can get riled up about things I shouldn't, and how friends never make good lovers.
-nemo'd.
-oyasumi.
I don't feel like blogging.
But I will anyway. I'm talking to Golda right now, and I don't really feel like cutting her off with a fat 'brb' to go watch some videos, so I'll just blog while I'm at it.
So, continuing my blog, today I woke up and got a cell message to get my ass to MGL, so I could pass off some tokens to kris and dom. So I go, and I find out that Alan's coming too, so that was good.
I played my ID, got a lot of wins, felt a little better and after that got a ride home with Alan.
I felt kinda bad about leaving my mom and my brother and stuff, but I had a lot of work to do when I got home, and so I left.
This is kinda boring but whatever.
So tonight, me and Alan went to go see a movie with Kellen and Stacy at Kellen's house, and that was kinda fun. I still can't believe Kellen hadn't seen 16 candles till tonight, even I've watched it and i'm a fob.
Getting to my point, we'll have to travel back in time, to my mother's house. I had a lot of time on my hand, and nothing to do, so I just sat there.. and thought about stuff. A lot of thought happened to come upon the girls I've onced dated (call it ex-girlfriends.. whatever), and I feel like a lot of them weren't really ended the right way. I was/am very immature about those kinda things. I feel bad now, and I think that's trangressing on to me somewhat crushing on some of them, but i'm not going to get into that.
Back to randomness, I was reading Golda's profile, and nemo came up..
That makes me sad. I know why, I doubt anyone else does. I'm not planning on getting into detail on that either. I'll just leave it as me being sad over the most worthless thing, how I can get riled up about things I shouldn't, and how friends never make good lovers.
-nemo'd.
-oyasumi.
11.09.2003
I'll try to blog as fast as possible. Right now, I'm at a friends house somewhere in Milpitas.
My parents send me off like an envoy, to keep their relations with other parents good.
I'm their vessal. How pathetic.
But really, that's not what I'm here to blog about. Before my mother picks me up and I'm shipped to 56k land, I wanted to get this blog out.
Heh, this is starting to become a habit. Or maybe I'm just bored..
Anyway, yesterday was a blast. Alan picked me and Tad up, and we cruised down to Milpitas for tokens, then rode back up to the movie theater to whore up some initial D. Tad was really good for his first time playing.. and I was on FIAH. Everything I was driving was going great...
until the machine broke.
*sigh*
[err, edited..]
Last night made me think about things, how things work, and how fate tends to feed me his cruelest sense of irony. I'm not going to go into it really, it's somewhat private.. but yeah. It wasn't a depressing night, it was a realization night.
That night for some odd reason I felt tired generally quickly, and I fell asleep.
Now here I am.
There will probably be more later if I feel like getting on 56k is worth it, but right now I don't feel like I'm in the mood to express myself or my opinions. Too many on-lookers, so
-sayonara.
My parents send me off like an envoy, to keep their relations with other parents good.
I'm their vessal. How pathetic.
But really, that's not what I'm here to blog about. Before my mother picks me up and I'm shipped to 56k land, I wanted to get this blog out.
Heh, this is starting to become a habit. Or maybe I'm just bored..
Anyway, yesterday was a blast. Alan picked me and Tad up, and we cruised down to Milpitas for tokens, then rode back up to the movie theater to whore up some initial D. Tad was really good for his first time playing.. and I was on FIAH. Everything I was driving was going great...
until the machine broke.
*sigh*
[err, edited..]
Last night made me think about things, how things work, and how fate tends to feed me his cruelest sense of irony. I'm not going to go into it really, it's somewhat private.. but yeah. It wasn't a depressing night, it was a realization night.
That night for some odd reason I felt tired generally quickly, and I fell asleep.
Now here I am.
There will probably be more later if I feel like getting on 56k is worth it, but right now I don't feel like I'm in the mood to express myself or my opinions. Too many on-lookers, so
-sayonara.
11.08.2003
I don't wanna have to be your friend
I'm so tired of tryin' to be your friend
I don't wanna have to be your friend, no anymore
When it really doesn't matter what I say
Cuz' you're never gonna listen to me anyways
Well, I don't wanna have to be your friend, no anymore
It seems you've fallen once again
Like you've done a thousand times before
And now you need a certain friend, someone you can count on
But I don't wanna be the one who's always
gonna have to make it up to you
And I don't wanna be responsible for all the stupid little
things you say, and things you do
Cuz' what you did, it seems you've messed up once again
So I don't care about you anymore
-blog tomorrow morning.
-oyasumi
I'm so tired of tryin' to be your friend
I don't wanna have to be your friend, no anymore
When it really doesn't matter what I say
Cuz' you're never gonna listen to me anyways
Well, I don't wanna have to be your friend, no anymore
It seems you've fallen once again
Like you've done a thousand times before
And now you need a certain friend, someone you can count on
But I don't wanna be the one who's always
gonna have to make it up to you
And I don't wanna be responsible for all the stupid little
things you say, and things you do
Cuz' what you did, it seems you've messed up once again
So I don't care about you anymore
-blog tomorrow morning.
-oyasumi
11.06.2003
[listen: the postal service - the district sleeps alone tonight]
Hah. What pure irony. My life has been full of it for about several years now, but I'm not going to go into detail about that.
I've deticated myself to sit down here and type up around 30 minutes of straight blog. I don't really understand why I'd do that, but I just wanted to.
So here we go (9:17).
My subject for the night was supposedly how dublin life is basically like a cookie-cutter drama you'd see on the WB or something.
Think you're different? Really? No. Shut the hell up.
So now we're going to sink deep in this, wheither you like it or not. If you don't, just stop reading or something.
So I'm going around reading blurtys/ljs/djs whatever and it stirred some random thoughts in my head. No, I'm not going to give you a 'don't be all WB-ish and DONT CONFORM BECAUSE IM DIFFERENT' speech, I'm just going to calmly explain how we sadly fit into society's vision of an episode of something-rather-this-or-that teenbop.
Groups. Cliches. Whatever. You know you fit in one. If you don't, you're pretty lucky. I noticed I lightly fit in many of these groups, but I don't really belong anywhere in general. It's somewhat depressing, but that's my life, and i'm not going to sugar-coat up my own life to make myself feel better. I used to belong. Or I think I did anyway. That was a few years ago. I made my mistakes, and i've drifted around enough and found a place I generally hang out. I've found good people, good friends, but I don't think i've really found myself in a real while.
God, this post is drifting. Whatever.
So drifting back to the point, to me, in our little drama which I now title, 'the norm', I find that there are several groups, a lot of them that don't get noticed by the main character (yes me you idiots. I'm writing this.), but here are the few:
the 'churchy' people - a lot of the religious people, tend to be the most emotionally.. unstable. not to point any fingers, but a lot of them really hate their lives and aren't afraid to say it. Really cliche in general, critical of any 'athiest' or non-jesus believer in general, though they try not to show it. God of course, is the answer to everything, and when things get bleak, and god isn't there to save the day (he's buzy saving kittens from the devil), it's all bad.
the 'sporty' people - people who tend to be really, REALLY buzy; they're either straight-up overachievers, or just really bad at school in general. the overachievers are the buzy people, and you don't really want to talk to the stupid ones. you feel close to these people sometimes, but you realize that in between the 2 hours of practice, and the 4 hours of homework to keep up, you'll never have a chance.
the 'r0x0r' people - the 'rockers', they are the 'non-conformists' of the school and critique on the 'rappers'. Though I feel like they're the ones who really ruin it for everyone, with their heavy sarcasm and their 'non-conformist everything' (don't forget the emo glasses!). some are really depressed, some are just finding ways to fit in, but there is hope in this group. you'd find more friends here then in a lot of other groups. "theyre too busy trying to break the trend and be different to notice that theyre just the new trend" - alan. another good description. "and the self proclaimed emo kids, who just want attention and pitty", "and the self proclaimed indie kids, who hate everything because thats cool" - alan. ooh we're just on the mark tonight.
the 'rapper' group - the 'gangsters' of DHS, they keep us informed about what's cool to wear on B-E-T and M-T-V. making sure to sagg their pants WAY below what they have to be, they're the kids you'd figure would be selling crack to little kids sooner or later. sadly, this is dublin, and no, there are no real gangs, so these guys get the big DEMOTE down to pathetic. there are some cool people here, but you'd be lucky to find one.
the 'trendy' people - in most dramas, this used to be the majority.. well.. if we were in the 1930's anyway. the elite few, admired by many, hated by many more. a good description would come from alan: "and then theres the fashion bitches who just rant and rave in the textbook valley girl style of ragging on everyone else because they dont dress like the people in the fashion magazines, perfectly matching everything for the appropriate season and style and shit". im not going to go into any more detail because that's just a waste of my time.
the group introduced by alan: "trying to lash out at everything and everyone, to be so different people laugh, usually laughing AT them not with them, these little fellows do whatever they can to be completely outrageous, and its usually already been done, overdone, old, or just plain stupid. no one finds it funny. no one thinks its cute. so just stop. for the love of god stop." (im getting lazier by the minute)
us. the 'main characters': the main character's of 'the norm', from our perspectives anyway. quick to love, but quick to hate, we're lovable, funny, amazingly sarcastic, and witty. no, not really. but our eyes are open enough to see this gaping hole in society, so you gotta give some credit. adventures are many, schedule isn't in our dictionarys, live our lives day to day. i can't say much else about us, you'd know what i'm talking about if you talk to us.
Wow. Rather then a drama, this is turning out to be more of a sim-game. choose the right group or parish. hah. Rather interesting. I'll leave tonights blog with a quote from alan, because at this point, my 30 minutes are up, and i'm tired, so more collaberation on this blog later.
"you might think, "hey, who are these assholes to classify people, isnt that what theyre bitching about? what gives them the right?". well to those people, we say fuck you. This is our opinion. You can't truthfully say we're wrong. And if you do, we don't really care." - alan
-oyasumi.
[end song: fif - dandelions]
Hah. What pure irony. My life has been full of it for about several years now, but I'm not going to go into detail about that.
I've deticated myself to sit down here and type up around 30 minutes of straight blog. I don't really understand why I'd do that, but I just wanted to.
So here we go (9:17).
My subject for the night was supposedly how dublin life is basically like a cookie-cutter drama you'd see on the WB or something.
Think you're different? Really? No. Shut the hell up.
So now we're going to sink deep in this, wheither you like it or not. If you don't, just stop reading or something.
So I'm going around reading blurtys/ljs/djs whatever and it stirred some random thoughts in my head. No, I'm not going to give you a 'don't be all WB-ish and DONT CONFORM BECAUSE IM DIFFERENT' speech, I'm just going to calmly explain how we sadly fit into society's vision of an episode of something-rather-this-or-that teenbop.
Groups. Cliches. Whatever. You know you fit in one. If you don't, you're pretty lucky. I noticed I lightly fit in many of these groups, but I don't really belong anywhere in general. It's somewhat depressing, but that's my life, and i'm not going to sugar-coat up my own life to make myself feel better. I used to belong. Or I think I did anyway. That was a few years ago. I made my mistakes, and i've drifted around enough and found a place I generally hang out. I've found good people, good friends, but I don't think i've really found myself in a real while.
God, this post is drifting. Whatever.
So drifting back to the point, to me, in our little drama which I now title, 'the norm', I find that there are several groups, a lot of them that don't get noticed by the main character (yes me you idiots. I'm writing this.), but here are the few:
the 'churchy' people - a lot of the religious people, tend to be the most emotionally.. unstable. not to point any fingers, but a lot of them really hate their lives and aren't afraid to say it. Really cliche in general, critical of any 'athiest' or non-jesus believer in general, though they try not to show it. God of course, is the answer to everything, and when things get bleak, and god isn't there to save the day (he's buzy saving kittens from the devil), it's all bad.
the 'sporty' people - people who tend to be really, REALLY buzy; they're either straight-up overachievers, or just really bad at school in general. the overachievers are the buzy people, and you don't really want to talk to the stupid ones. you feel close to these people sometimes, but you realize that in between the 2 hours of practice, and the 4 hours of homework to keep up, you'll never have a chance.
the 'r0x0r' people - the 'rockers', they are the 'non-conformists' of the school and critique on the 'rappers'. Though I feel like they're the ones who really ruin it for everyone, with their heavy sarcasm and their 'non-conformist everything' (don't forget the emo glasses!). some are really depressed, some are just finding ways to fit in, but there is hope in this group. you'd find more friends here then in a lot of other groups. "theyre too busy trying to break the trend and be different to notice that theyre just the new trend" - alan. another good description. "and the self proclaimed emo kids, who just want attention and pitty", "and the self proclaimed indie kids, who hate everything because thats cool" - alan. ooh we're just on the mark tonight.
the 'rapper' group - the 'gangsters' of DHS, they keep us informed about what's cool to wear on B-E-T and M-T-V. making sure to sagg their pants WAY below what they have to be, they're the kids you'd figure would be selling crack to little kids sooner or later. sadly, this is dublin, and no, there are no real gangs, so these guys get the big DEMOTE down to pathetic. there are some cool people here, but you'd be lucky to find one.
the 'trendy' people - in most dramas, this used to be the majority.. well.. if we were in the 1930's anyway. the elite few, admired by many, hated by many more. a good description would come from alan: "and then theres the fashion bitches who just rant and rave in the textbook valley girl style of ragging on everyone else because they dont dress like the people in the fashion magazines, perfectly matching everything for the appropriate season and style and shit". im not going to go into any more detail because that's just a waste of my time.
the group introduced by alan: "trying to lash out at everything and everyone, to be so different people laugh, usually laughing AT them not with them, these little fellows do whatever they can to be completely outrageous, and its usually already been done, overdone, old, or just plain stupid. no one finds it funny. no one thinks its cute. so just stop. for the love of god stop." (im getting lazier by the minute)
us. the 'main characters': the main character's of 'the norm', from our perspectives anyway. quick to love, but quick to hate, we're lovable, funny, amazingly sarcastic, and witty. no, not really. but our eyes are open enough to see this gaping hole in society, so you gotta give some credit. adventures are many, schedule isn't in our dictionarys, live our lives day to day. i can't say much else about us, you'd know what i'm talking about if you talk to us.
Wow. Rather then a drama, this is turning out to be more of a sim-game. choose the right group or parish. hah. Rather interesting. I'll leave tonights blog with a quote from alan, because at this point, my 30 minutes are up, and i'm tired, so more collaberation on this blog later.
"you might think, "hey, who are these assholes to classify people, isnt that what theyre bitching about? what gives them the right?". well to those people, we say fuck you. This is our opinion. You can't truthfully say we're wrong. And if you do, we don't really care." - alan
-oyasumi.
[end song: fif - dandelions]
[20:39:10] viccy type R: i just realized
[20:39:17] viccy type R: how sterotypical our lives are
[20:39:18] viccy type R: haha
[20:39:22] viccy type R: like a teen drama
[20:39:31] alan-style: yep
[20:39:31] viccy type R: there are the church people who are deticated to that
[20:39:34] viccy type R: the sportys
[20:39:35] viccy type R: and us
[20:39:36] alan-style: blog about that man
[20:39:47] alan-style: such a good blog topic
[20:39:58] viccy type R: yeah
[20:40:03] viccy type R: god
[20:40:09] viccy type R: im going to have a lot to say about that
[20:40:17] alan-style: yeah
[20:40:19] viccy type R: my life was like a soap 2 years ago though
[20:40:20] viccy type R: seirously
[20:40:31] viccy type R: like, with the whole 'you slept with my evil twin sister' bullshit
real shit soon.
[20:39:17] viccy type R: how sterotypical our lives are
[20:39:18] viccy type R: haha
[20:39:22] viccy type R: like a teen drama
[20:39:31] alan-style: yep
[20:39:31] viccy type R: there are the church people who are deticated to that
[20:39:34] viccy type R: the sportys
[20:39:35] viccy type R: and us
[20:39:36] alan-style: blog about that man
[20:39:47] alan-style: such a good blog topic
[20:39:58] viccy type R: yeah
[20:40:03] viccy type R: god
[20:40:09] viccy type R: im going to have a lot to say about that
[20:40:17] alan-style: yeah
[20:40:19] viccy type R: my life was like a soap 2 years ago though
[20:40:20] viccy type R: seirously
[20:40:31] viccy type R: like, with the whole 'you slept with my evil twin sister' bullshit
real shit soon.
11.03.2003
Generally, I feel better writing whenever I have no distractions, but I've never seen Anti-trust before and it looks interesting so this will be somewhat different.
I woke up today not wanting to go to school. Not like always, but this strange feeling that I never wanted to wake up.
Must be the MSG.
So I go to school, finish all my homework there magically. It was a generally uneventful day, and I went home feeling like crap.
Alan, Chris and I went to go look for the fan from saturday night, we didn't find it, and we came back and watched Family Guy for a while.
They went home, I took a nap, and when I woke up it was the worst feeling ever.
I'm probably going back to sleep now.
I was going to blog about change, but im tired and stuff, so i will soon.
I woke up today not wanting to go to school. Not like always, but this strange feeling that I never wanted to wake up.
Must be the MSG.
So I go to school, finish all my homework there magically. It was a generally uneventful day, and I went home feeling like crap.
Alan, Chris and I went to go look for the fan from saturday night, we didn't find it, and we came back and watched Family Guy for a while.
They went home, I took a nap, and when I woke up it was the worst feeling ever.
I'm probably going back to sleep now.
I was going to blog about change, but im tired and stuff, so i will soon.
Not that you care, but... you're Takumi.
Which Initial D Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
win.
[music: baby bash feat. frankie j - sugar sugar]
Heh. Time to break the ice on this new blog.
This apparently is Alan and I's attempt at a public blog.
We've decided that we don't give a damn anymore about what any of you think, and this blog is for winners, weither you like it or not.
With that off my mind, here goes.
Wow this song is good. I don't even know, it's a 'g' song, but I'm addicted to the beat. Makes my head feel stoic, and just relaxatious. That's not even a damn word. Way to start off this blog, right?
So anyway, I'll give you a little outlook on my weekend.
My week had been going very, VERY bad. I don't really know how to describe it, but it was bad.
Anyway, so the friday, I went to this party thing.. that was kinda whack.. but whatever. There goes my halloween. I was supposed to meet up with Alan after he got back from his FIF concert, but I was tired and I figured I could leave the alarm on and wake up at 12 to hang out. Sadly, that wasn't the case. I'm a very, VERY deep sleeper so that didn't work out. Turns out he was somewhat tired that night anyway, so it didn't really matter.
The next morning I was prompted to wake up at 8 and haul ass all the way down in Milpitas. Goddamn it, I was so tired, but my parents made me go anyway. So I go down there, come back up around 1, and Alan comes over.
His car probation is going to end next week, so expect less blogging and more driving around and chilling. We get bored and cruise to CVGL for a few hours for some good ID.. we come back, and we're bored.
So we call chris and craig was supposed to sleep over his house, so they both came over and we had a BLAST.
Like, beyond definition. At first, we were kinda bored and didn't really want to do much. An online conversation and my lack of CS skills that night got me in the worst mood. I'm serious, the worst mood I had been in since the beginning of the school year. I felt like I was useless to everyone, everything. Alan's in the garage LANing CS, and I AIM him up and say fuck this, fuck that. He suggested we go for a little ride, and that was the best suggestion of the night. We string up some broken house fan to the back of alan's car on LAN cables, and using my knot-skills, we tested it and it didn't really break off until we were going down the scenic route to CVGL at 80 mph. It was somewhat amusing, we continued the fashion with a traffic cone, but the fan was the best.
We're planning on using alan's broken PS2 next time.
So after that night, everyone just kinda.. falls asleep in my room (God doesn't even know how that worked out..) and everyone kinda left. I chilled, played FFXI a little, and alan came over again today and we just talked and laned cs.
Funny how the worst weekend turned into the best weekend.
I <3 life and the way it likes to mess around with your head.
(I'm trying not to use fuck here, someone throw me an applause or something)
So after all of this, here I am.. blogging. The caffine in this soda is keeping me up quite well, even though I was planning on going to sleep right after this. Whatever, time to go. More blogs soon, expect it to be updated everyday, because me and alan are IN IT FO' SHO'.
-oyasumi
[end song: scott brown - elysium]
Heh. Time to break the ice on this new blog.
This apparently is Alan and I's attempt at a public blog.
We've decided that we don't give a damn anymore about what any of you think, and this blog is for winners, weither you like it or not.
With that off my mind, here goes.
Wow this song is good. I don't even know, it's a 'g' song, but I'm addicted to the beat. Makes my head feel stoic, and just relaxatious. That's not even a damn word. Way to start off this blog, right?
So anyway, I'll give you a little outlook on my weekend.
My week had been going very, VERY bad. I don't really know how to describe it, but it was bad.
Anyway, so the friday, I went to this party thing.. that was kinda whack.. but whatever. There goes my halloween. I was supposed to meet up with Alan after he got back from his FIF concert, but I was tired and I figured I could leave the alarm on and wake up at 12 to hang out. Sadly, that wasn't the case. I'm a very, VERY deep sleeper so that didn't work out. Turns out he was somewhat tired that night anyway, so it didn't really matter.
The next morning I was prompted to wake up at 8 and haul ass all the way down in Milpitas. Goddamn it, I was so tired, but my parents made me go anyway. So I go down there, come back up around 1, and Alan comes over.
His car probation is going to end next week, so expect less blogging and more driving around and chilling. We get bored and cruise to CVGL for a few hours for some good ID.. we come back, and we're bored.
So we call chris and craig was supposed to sleep over his house, so they both came over and we had a BLAST.
Like, beyond definition. At first, we were kinda bored and didn't really want to do much. An online conversation and my lack of CS skills that night got me in the worst mood. I'm serious, the worst mood I had been in since the beginning of the school year. I felt like I was useless to everyone, everything. Alan's in the garage LANing CS, and I AIM him up and say fuck this, fuck that. He suggested we go for a little ride, and that was the best suggestion of the night. We string up some broken house fan to the back of alan's car on LAN cables, and using my knot-skills, we tested it and it didn't really break off until we were going down the scenic route to CVGL at 80 mph. It was somewhat amusing, we continued the fashion with a traffic cone, but the fan was the best.
We're planning on using alan's broken PS2 next time.
So after that night, everyone just kinda.. falls asleep in my room (God doesn't even know how that worked out..) and everyone kinda left. I chilled, played FFXI a little, and alan came over again today and we just talked and laned cs.
Funny how the worst weekend turned into the best weekend.
I <3 life and the way it likes to mess around with your head.
(I'm trying not to use fuck here, someone throw me an applause or something)
So after all of this, here I am.. blogging. The caffine in this soda is keeping me up quite well, even though I was planning on going to sleep right after this. Whatever, time to go. More blogs soon, expect it to be updated everyday, because me and alan are IN IT FO' SHO'.
-oyasumi
[end song: scott brown - elysium]
